Every time I light a candle in my
Cat memorial gifts, I think of my dead cat.
The meaning of incurable disease is that medicine is helpless, and medicine is too simple, just part of medicine.
My cat's blood disease was diagnosed as incurable after a rapid failure after transfusion for unknown reasons.
The doctor said the cat has no blood bank. Unlike people.
Besides, cats don't have bone marrow transplants, even if I find their relatives. If it's a genetic problem, maybe there's a problem with your brother, not necessarily with his blood.
So the doctor told me to give up the treatment.
In the next two days, my cat's blood seemed to coagulate in dilution, completely paralyzed, unable to move, only the heart and lungs were barely supported, and it was extremely difficult to breathe. I put it next to the heater that turns to the maximum temperature. It's still cold. I gave it to him.
I dare not go out, but I still hope to feed it with a syringe, but it's totally useless. It's all running down my mouth and my throat is like a waste. I can't help tears sometimes. I think it's so young and beautiful. Its internal organs are good, but I have to go. I'm hungry, empty and helpless. I can't help anything at all. I can't even feed a mouthful of water.
Self blame is inevitable. If I were a very experienced host, maybe I would see some clues half a year ago. But who would have expected the final collapse to be so rapid.
I said a lot to my cat that day, from the first time I met him, he was across the glass from me, he was happy, his hands were on the glass, his legs followed my direction. I have never seen a cat so close to people and me. Let's talk about every stage of our coexistence, the changes in my life that it witnessed. It is the only witness. I like to hold it and say, we live by each other.
Then I apologized, because I was angry after all, because it was also a witness of all my emotions. It's more than anyone in the world knows and can feel the mood of my day. Every day when I get up, he follows me around the bathroom and kitchen. Every day when I go out, he greets him. Every day when I go home, he greets me at the door like a puppy. Every day when I eat, he also eats. Then he jumps up and hugs me when I finish eating. Every night before I go to bed, he just needs to call out and jump up happily, knowing that the last meal is coming, and the litter basin needs to be cleaned, Then relax in front of me. Even going to the toilet has developed a regular habit.
I hold it and talk, but it can't move. Eyes still moving, then look at me. Hands and feet are cold. The empty body becomes extremely emaciated due to extreme anemia. The bones are distinct.
That is to say, in the early morning of March 26, I also called as usual, and it could not agree, because the hard breath had forced it to straighten its neck, so its back was stiff. I realized that this was the rhythm of living together, and the scene in front of me only made me sad. And then, indeed, sorrow is added again, twice as much. It must know that I will pass by, that this is the time when we say goodbye to good night every day. Then it will hold up until this time, when my hand touches its rapidly undulating chest, it will try to move. I've never seen any moment when life is gone, and I don't know it's the last breath. Until his hands and feet trembled slightly and his chest stopped bouncing, I hardly realized that he had gone. Then I saw its eyes. The black flame expands, the luster disappears rapidly, and death covers them with a film.
So I lost my cat. The whole room is full of my panic and sadness.
From then on, its place of repose is only blank. The whole room, cold from loss, seems to be extremely cold. It's hard to get used to home if you're alone. See its armour crumb and hair from time to time, only think death is so thorough, and so at a loss. Later, I used to express my feelings for my cat through the
Cat Memorial gifts.